Playing Hard to Get?

In August I got a divorce. I didn’t want a divorce but I got one nonetheless. By the time it was official, it had been nine months since my former husband moved out of our home. It had been 11 months since he announced he wanted to move out. And it had been 15 months since he asked me one Friday evening if I was happy. (Yes, I was at the time but the question struck fear in my heart and pretty much marked the beginning of the end for us.)

Which brings me to today: I am a single woman. A 50-year-old single woman. I don’t mind being single but there are certain manly things I’d rather not do without. And I’m not talking about someone to fix things around the house or take out the garbage. I have a very handy brother and can, of course, manage the garbage can just fine. As a single woman what I want is the occasional company of a single man in my age group. I don’t care if he’s homely or slightly goofy or bald. He needs a sense of humor, a decent IQ and a kind heart. That’s about all I want for now. Oh, there is one other thing but let’s keep this rated G for now, shall we?

Lately I’ve been talking more with two single friends from my high school days who are also seeking the company of decent single men. They are smart, attractive, nicely employed, home-owning women with opposite approaches to the man-quest. Friend A is an extrovert, knows half the people in her town and gets out and about a lot. She likes staying busy and attends most concerts, plays, parties, and festivals worth attending. She also is quite practical and I don’t think she gets swept away easily. Recently, A broke up with her man friend of several months. She’s unhappy but trying her best to move on. A couple of weeks ago, she arranged to have lunch with a single man who’s in the same profession. They had a nice lunch, which apparently ended with a kiss and a hug from him. Since then, A has announced the ball is in his court and if he doesn’t call her, that’s the end of that. When I questioned her about why she wouldn’t call him if she wanted to see him again, she simply said it was up to him to call her.

Which brings me to Friend B. She, too, recently called it quits with a fellow she’d been seeing for over two years but their relationship was a little one-sided. Without revealing details, suffice it to say that when she broke up with him, he admitted he’d been seeing other women. So now B is also in search of male companionship. And actually had a dinner date with an old flame on Saturday night. Unlike A, Friend B not only didn’t wait for the guy to call her after their date, she gave him less than 24 hours before dialing his cell phone number. And she has cruised by his place of employment to see if his car was there. B is sweet, guileless and built. Too bad she can’t play hard to get. A plays so hard to get that while I suspect her secret dream is to be gotten for good, she is still waiting. B is so available that there’s not much of a window of opportunity to sweep her off her feet. Give her an inch and she’ll get out the broom for herself.

I want to be the best of A and B in my man-quest: proud, independent, self-sufficient, attentive, warm and eager. It’s a delicate balance. Playing hard to get. Doesn’t that sound downright antiquated?